It was January 1, 2018 and I was venturing into my very first 21 day fast. For me, this was a very personal decision with some very personal applications. I wanted to be emptied of the ‘me’…the selfishness, the ‘flesh,’ and filled with more of the Spirit of the Lord. My desire is to walk in all that God has created me to be without hindrance. In other words, I was intentionally seeking more of the Lord in my life. And what a better time to do that the beginning of a new year.

This sacrifice of food isn’t just a diet plan; it’s a time to draw closer and focus on my God!

Matthew 22:37-38…”you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and foremost commandment.” Loving the Lord means seeking Him with ALL that I am and ALL that I have.

To be as transparent as possible, during this time of fasting, I was reminded of a very real struggle I had; one that would continue to rise up on occasion, over and over. Without elaborating too much on the background, I want to get to the point. There are many reasons for why I felt the way I have over the years. But the point is this, with a four year Bachelor of Science degree, my husband and I had made the choice for me to be a stay-at-home mom. Right off I want to say this…..This has been an incredible blessing and looking back, I would not want to change a thing. Since our oldest son was 1 & a half years old, I haven’t worked outside of the home, except for a brief season (less than 3 months, about 8 years ago) when I helped with the fall tours at a local orchard. As much of a blessing as staying at home was, there were numerous times that I would cry out to God, “Is this it? Is this all there is for me? All You want me to do?” I wanted more. I wanted to do more. I wanted to be more. Something that was more significant. Every time this struggle arose within me, it became less and less pointed. God was filing off the rough edges. I was being refined. I was continually learning to lay down the things I thought I wanted. I was continually being molded into who God created me to be. (Again, this is my personal story….my journey.) I was learning that this life is not about me. However, that does not mean I live this life in misery. I have learned that there is one thing necessary in this life…”but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her” (Luke 10:42). Jesus is speaking of the difference between Martha and Mary. We live in a Martha world of do, do, do…and I very much tend to be a do-er. But the Lord wants me to be with Him, first and foremost; like Mary to just sit at His feet, praising Him, worshipping Him, listening to Him and being led by Him alone. I need to be still and quiet all the other voices in order to hear Him, as His deep calls to my deep (Psalm 42:7).

Galatians 2:20…”I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.”

John 15:13…” Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.”

Acts 20:24…”But I do not consider my life of any account as dear to myself, so that I may finish the course and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify solemnly of the gospel of the grace of God.”

I share all this to help shed light on what the Lord spoke to me in January of this year about marriage. We got married to be together. In the beginning of our marriage, several times, we were drawn to do things together. We both laid down things we liked to do. We were no longer an individual. We had been united together, as one. Occasionally throughout our marriage, we would be reminded of this. One such time was in July 2013 on our first missions trip. It was in Costa Rica, on our free day, which was more like a team building day….again, we had been reminded that we were one.

Over the years, Scott and I have witnessed so many marriages struggling and hurting, not only in the world, but in The Church, as well. As I was spending more time with the Lord during my fast, I was asking for a word of wisdom and/or a word of knowledge for our upcoming trip to Antigua. Marriage kept coming to mind. However, I was not sure if it was meant for Antigua or not. Then the Lord took me all the way back….back to Genesis.

TO BE CONTINUED……

While fasting prior to our trip the Lord led me to the idea of foot washing. I felt it was for the trip, but the Lord also led Scott and I to bless our Life Group with it. When we offered it, we strongly suggested husbands wash their wives feet and vice versa. Marriages are struggling. Struggling within our church, within The Church, and in the world at large. Marriages are under attack. For The Church to do more than just survive, marriages and families need to be repaired and rebuilt…restored! I really want to share more on this since the Lord ‘spoke’ to me about marriage. But I will have to do that in my next post.

Monday, Jan.29th, a slow start, which was a blessing. Nothing planned for the morning. Therefore, we had the privilege to take the team and the Pikes out to breakfast near the villas. The Pikes got to talk with the team as a whole to explain much of the church dynamics and the community, as well as the background of some of those we would be working alongside. We heard a few stories of the Pikes time in Vanuatu, where they first went into the missions field. Then we went grocery shopping for breakfasts of the week and Tuesdays night dinner when we would be hosting Pastor Carlos and his family. Groceries were a bit expensive because everything is imported…even fresh fruit! Crazy, right? It was also important to purchase lots of bottled water for the week to stay hydrated. These islands are very different when you come inland more; away from the coast and the resorts.

The afternoon was spent with the Pikes at our villa having an orientation for the rest of the week. Laying out the ministry opportunities, meal times, etc. But of course, nothing is ever in concrete. The need to be flexible was key. Things can change in a moments notice. We did not have every detail nailed down because we were all feeling the need to be lead by the Spirit in all things. That evening was the Bible Institute at the community center….another packed out night with every registered student in attendance plus two newbies! More of God’s favor. Almost every team member got to share, even if it stretched them a bit. We shared where we served in ministry and how we got there. Then, we opened it up to Q&A. Little did we know that they had just recently done a study on marriage and some were struggling some with it. Guess what the Lord had given me before we left? I share a bit of this at the beginning of this blog post… the topic of marriage! Remember the foot washing idea that we did with our Life Group prior to this trip. What the Lord had given me was powerful stuff….and they received it! I think that is what I so deeply loved about them. They were receiving it all…no resistance, no hindrance. More of God’s favor! We went way passed the class’s usual end time and connections were made quickly with the people. It was just the spark to set the week ablaze.

Beatris sharing at Bible Institute

Cheryl sharing

Beatris and Cheryl sharing at Bible Institute on Monday evening.

Before I launch directly into my journaling, I would like to take the time to share the most significant moment that nudged me to take on this venture.  It’s like the final push in this direction. But first and foremost, I want to say that this is my personal journey with my experiences. My desire in sharing these is to encourage you to dig deeper and to discover who you were created to be. If you have ever wondered if there is more to this life, the answer is a resounding absolutely, positively yes! You were created for a purpose. More on that later.

If you are just getting to know me, I would like you to meet our four children. Our youngest, Mariah Fei-Li Lan was born in China. We brought her home in 2005. That was our very first major international trip. We have come to love to travel, seeing this world created for us. We honeymooned in Hawaii and returned there five years later; then again in 2012, all 6 of us.

Our oldest son is Alex with Tim and Morgan following. More on these precious gifts later. As we began to travel more, we had a stirring to do more than just travel. Upon returning home from this trip to Hawaii, we had our first ever opportunity to learn more about missions. For now, I will just describe missions as serving others in the Name of Jesus. We attended an informational meeting of upcoming trips. Immediately, my husband, Scott said that he thought we were to go to Costa Rica. This was the exact trip I was also being lead to. In July 2013, Alex and Tim joined us for our first missions trip. Since then, we have also been to Africa. (I will most certainly discuss these trips more in the future.)

As to not draw this out, I want to get back to the most significant nudge to begin blogging.  There are surely other moments that brought me to this one and maybe those moments will come up in future blogs. Scott and myself were given an opportunity late last year that was somewhat unexpected…leading a global team from our church to Antigua January 28 to February 4, 2018. Unexpected because our sights were set on a different location. However, we were open and seeking the right place for us. A place the Lord wanted us to go to. This was post-Hurricane Irma and Hurricane Maria. Our thoughts were that maybe we could work with the Barbudian refugees in Antigua. Barbuda is Antigua’s sister island that was completely wiped out. But until we arrived, many had already moved back to claim their property. As this team and trip developed quickly, we did not have the normal training track. Therefore, I felt led to request our team to fast the beginning of the year. Our team of six all agreed to start 2018 with a 21 day fast. This preparation did not look the same for all of us. Some fasted certain food groups, others certain meals every day. It was not in the how so much as the motive behind it. We wanted to empty ourselves of us, of our selfishness nature. Thus having time and space to fill ourselves with The Word and His Presence. And this certainly set the atmosphere.

We could not have expected all the Lord was going to do on this trip. This is the most significant nudge I received to step out and blog. When we returned from this trip, none of us wanted to forget a single moment. We also wanted to share what happened every day with a family from our church that was in language school in Costa Rica in preparation to move to Antigua. Then there were all those asking us about our trip. Literally, it would take hours to share all that happened…all that God did. We just had front row seats to all He did. Scott would start out by saying ‘to make a long story short’, but it never happened. There was just no way to shorten the story. I am here to share this story. Our day to day of all God did while we were in Antigua earlier this year. Why? Because in sharing, we were being prompted to say that God is God and He is the same here as He is there. What He did there, He wants to do here. Hopefully, this will just be the spark for you. May the spark set a forest on fire, right where you are and all for the glory of God, the lover of your soul.

Thanks for joining me!

Well, for quite some time I have been experiencing the nudge. You may be asking yourself, what nudge? One to write….not books though. That’s my daughter’s gig. Actually and truthfully, to journal right here. I can recall the first time I ever heard about journaling. It sounded like a fantastic idea…and believe me, it was before blogging ever existed. I sat down with a notebook and pen and nothing. Honestly, the idea was fantastic but putting it into action was not. It took awhile for me to acquire the desire and discipline to begin journaling. At first, I struggled to just make it a habit. Today, however, my struggle is more of letting go of the notebook and pen to embrace this concept of blogging. Now, you may be asking yourself, why journal? That is something I asked myself not once, but numerous times. For me, it became part of my dedicated quiet time. A place of reflection. A time of devotion. I have now been journaling for well over a decade and a half, not consistently, but more intentionally as the years have come and gone. One reason that I journal is to leave behind my thoughts, my dreams, my prayers and petitions, and most importantly the works of God that I have witnessed.  It’s like a gift to my children when I am no longer here.  A gift I hope they will glean from and hopefully continue to grow from, as well. Journaling is also my journey with my closest and best friend…my growing relationship with Jesus Christ. I would be honored if you came along on this journey with me.

Thanks for joining me!