It was December 2019 and I had committed to two new things for the upcoming year. One was to ask the Lord for a specific Scripture for the New Year and the other was to read The Bible in it’s fullness in 365 days, in chronological order. Both of these things had a profound impact on my life and my walk with The Lord.

First, the word I received from the Lord for the year was Exodus 20:20. At first mention of it, I pushed back a bit and laughed, really? A 20:20 reference. I didn’t heed the word at first and kept asking. It was a following Sunday at church when the senior pastor referenced Exodus 20:20 and I knew in my spirit that I needed to heed the word.

We should never be afraid of God. It is not that kind of fear we should have because He loved us first so we could love. We cannot love without Him. Love is defined by God. The fear of God is a reverential fear. One where we stand in awe of Who He is. One where we sit in awe of Who He is. One where we kneel in awe of Who He is. One where every posture is in awe of Who He is. Who is God to you? Who do you say that He is?

He is the Creator of the Heavens and the earth. He is our Maker. The One who knits us together in our mother’s womb. He is the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. The First and The Last. He is the Great “I AM.” Do you know Him like this? He is our Refuge and our Strong Tower. He is The Rock of Ages. Our firm foundation. When we are His, we are hidden in Him. He is our Great Physician, our Healer, Jehovah Rapha. He is our Provision and Provider, Jehovah Jireh. He sustains us and keeps us. His love is unrelenting. His grace is all sufficient. His mercy is redeeming. He is our Redeemer. Our Hope. Our Joy. Our Peace. Do you know Him like this? He is our Shepherd and our Banner. He sees all and knows all. He is our Fortress and Deliverer. He is The Ancient of Days. A Consuming Fire. Faithful and True…and so so much more. The One True God of Scripture. It is in The Word of God, The Bible that we learn Who He is….His nature and character, as well as the heart of God.

In 2019, a son got married, a daughter got engaged and our first grandchild was announced. We traveled to Switzerland and Italy with both sets of parents in the spring, as well as our first trip to Israel in December along with Scott’s parents. Twenty-twenty was full of anticipation for great things. Another wedding and the birth of our grandson. We started the year with a family vacation with all of our children and their spouses returning home the first weekend in March. Then the world seemed to turn upside down. Our oldest daughter at school in Texas returned home to PA before the “shelter in place” was official. It was then that the most unexpected personal event took place in our lives. Scott’s dad, Jay passed. Even though he is missed, we knew he passed on to Glory. For this we have an assured peace. A peace not found in this world.

We moved Scott’s mom, Linda into our home temporarily as she navigated the most significant change in her life. As the world was being told to stay home and isolate, I kept asking the Lord, “what are we to do?” The response, “Keeping living. Do what you know is right for you and your family.” So we hosted extended family in our home after Jay’s private and small funeral. Morgan’s lease on her apartment was coming up. “Lord, what do we do?” Again, “Keeping living. Do what you know is right for you and your family.” So, we flew to Dallas, packed up the apartment and drove home. Linda’s home in Florida…what do we do? “Keeping living. Do what you know is right for you and your family.” So, we purchased tickets and flew to Florida, packed up the house and put it on the market. Then we flew back home.

During all of this, Scott had resigned from his job and been offered a new one. He was out of work a month. A month he was able to dedicate to his mom helping her navigate so much change. The new job took us to Grand Rapids, Michigan a few times, flying back and forth. Spending the month of June getting to know the area and finding a home. All the while, asking the Lord what we should do. “Keeping living. Do what you know is right for you and your family.” This is what was right for us. I share all of that to say, I chose to focus on God. Focus on Him and Who He is…El Sali, my Rock. I could not let fear in. I could not doubt Him and His goodness. I could not waver, even while leaving everything we have ever know to go where He led us. Doubt and fear bring open doors. Doors that are not in agreement with what God says.

As some struggled and wrestled with everything that was happening in the world around us, and we were being told to isolate ourselves, I recall questioning God, “Did Jesus ever retreat?” In my spirit, a resounding yes. But not the yes you may be thinking. The yes was Jesus retreated to be with The Father. To seek Him and do what He wanted Him to do. So that is what we did and how we lived out 2020. As a result, I stand in awe of Him and what He has done, even in the midst of loss. Loss of a father. Loss of the familiar. I do not regret one thing about 2020. I stand awestruck of all that God is and I will praise Him all the days of my life.

Yes, I will praise The Lord. I will praise His Holy Name. For He alone is worthy. Worthy of all my praise. It was a year of testing. A year of sifting. Separating. In Whom will I trust? Whom will I behold? There is so much to be thankful for. I have learned to praise Him in the valley. Praise Him in the darkness. Of course, on the mountaintop! But I will praise Him in the wilderness, too. I will praise Him with my arms lifted high. I will praise Him with all my heart. I will praise Him on bended knee. Praise Him with my lips. He is worthy to be honored and worthy to be glorified! I will praise Him with my song and my words. Our words have the power of life and death. What words our you giving power to? Our words grant authority to what we agree with. What are you giving agreement to? Are you agreeing with what The Lord says? With what The Word says or what the world says? You empower what you agree with. What will you choose?

He is calling! He is knocking!! God wants you to choose Him. He wants you to choose life. Life everlasting. Abundant life. Our agreement with our thoughts if not taken captive to the obedience of Christ are with the enemy. Are you agreeing with a diagnosis? Are you agreeing with a disease? Are you agreeing with an addiction? Those are open doors that need to be closed! Close that door by coming back to Him, agreeing with Him and what HE SAYS! Ask Him for forgiveness, repent and turn back to Him, who gives life abundantly. Stop giving agreement to the devil. Now, is the time.

Throw off the cloak of heaviness and put on the garment of praise! Praise Him, praise Him all you people, praise Him.

The time has come. The time is now. “Why now?”, you may ask. Well, let me start with the thought that I knew this day would come. I just had no idea when it would be. I am someone that can speak from both sides. I speak or write from experience, from the heart, from my beliefs and from love. I have prayed for God to give me my voice. What I did not expect was that it would be here…that it would be now…for such a time as this, on this topic. A topic of such controversy.

Our country, the beloved United States of America is far from united. It is so divided at this time in history that it leaves many speechless. Many are afraid to speak up for fear of being labeled. Labeled ruthless. Labeled judgmental. Labeled heartless. But this is not new. The USA has been and continues to be divided over race, over wealth, over health, over politics, over beliefs, and so much more. Let us not grow weary…and give in to defeat. We are not defeated. But, I do believe that we are about to be judged if we do not turn from our wicked ways. The people of this land in which we live have been deceived for far too long. Deceived by lies. We have come to a place far from freedom and far from any form of truth. We have caved to the lies for far too long. On one side there are those wanting to defend the legal rights of those that are not even legal by the law of the land; while denying rights of the most defenseless. On the other side are those that have become so fueled in thinking that they are right, they forget those they are fighting with or arguing are people too. Every person has a soul. Every time we interact with someone, we are interacting with that soul…and with their heart. We must learn how to deliver truth in love. Please hear my heart on this, right now. I want to bear witness to a truth in love. This is not judgment on any one person or peoples. I have been there, done that….and currently, I stand on the other side.

As a country, not just a land, but a people, we are standing at a precipice. When those we have elected to represent us hold the power to provide for the murder the most defenseless of lives or pass along such power to others, we are putting ourselves in alignment against the will of God Almighty. I understand that there are those that do not believe in God. But hang in there with me. Hear me out on this, please. At one point in my life, I questioned His existence, too.

One could say that this post is my testimony to His existence. The year was 1984. It should have been a year filled with hope and dreams. Instead, about two months prior to my high school graduation, I became pregnant. I had just turned 18 and had been dating for 2 years. At the time, I was convinced I was going to marry this young man. He was a freshman in college with dreams to finish and I had been accepted to college with plans to go in the Fall. I was beyond scared. I was terrified. I had no idea what to do. I could not share this discovery for fear of judgement from others…parents, friends, family, teachers and peers. Others had gotten pregnant in high school and were slandered by many. I had a rather healthy fear of what people thought of me. I wanted to be loved so much. I was a people pleaser. Make everything look good on the outside, no matter how bad you are hurting. Certainly, I did not want anyone to think poorly of me. There was no question in the young man’s mind, I was to get an abortion. He would pay for it. Again, I was terrified. Either way. Having the abortion terrified me. Not having the abortion terrified me. But, I went ahead with it because of each of our future plans. This was not part of the plan. Plus, I was so insecure with myself that I did not want to do anything to jeopardize losing the affections of the young man I cared so deeply for.

Honestly, my thought was just do it and get it over with….and it will all be over. What a lie! Thinking that there would be no consequences. When in reality, my choice caused harm to my soul (mind, will and emotions) by the lies. More harm than any other decision I had made previously. What lies, you ask? The lie that it’s my body and my right to do what I want and what I deem best. The lie that at 18 years of age I know what it best for me. I was so afraid that I was not even thinking right. How in the world could I even deem what was best for me. The lie that it would all be over once the physical act was over. This was a decision that would haunt me for years. Guilt and shame would drift in and out like the waves at the edge of the beach. Some days those waves of guilt and shame would just wash in and out; while other days those waves would crash on the the beach of my soul with such a force that I thought I would never outrun this…this awful and ghastly choice I had made. A choice to end a life. Those waves never stopped. Every day. Every hour they were there. A constant reminder. I was told that it’s not a life yet. It’s not living. It’s not breathing….it’s, it’s. it’s. Believe me when I say, “it” is not an it! If it is just an it, then please tell me why, my thoughts would always turn to the what ifs. What I now know is that we are born with a conscious. We are formed and knit together by the Creator of the universe. The Great I AM. He had thoughts of each one of us before the foundations of the world were even formed. This conscious deep within me knew that the choice I had made was wrong. It was a selfish act to end the life because it kept up an appearance of doing good. I still looked ‘good’ to the world; yet I felt like I was dying inside because of what I had done.

Up to this point in my life, I had attended church. I had even become a member of the church I grew up going to Sunday School throughout my childhood. I had even been the president of our youth group for a while. I never did drugs. I didn’t drink (until college). I grew up with a label of “goody too shoes.” But who was giving me that label of being good? Man was, for sure. Because of what they saw expressed outwardly. That was not a label I bore from God. You see, growing up in church, I knew of God. I truly did not know Him. While being in the public school system and loving the sciences, I began to question His existence. If God truly existed, why did bad things happen?

After dating the young man for six years, we split. It was then that I found myself alone and dealing with grief. Mourning the end of a relationship that I thought would last a lifetime. That is when the reality hit me. I had been dealing with the pain of what I did off and on over the years. However, as long as I was still with the young man, it seemed to subside. But honestly, it never went away. Those waves still there…guilt, shame, pain…unworthiness. The choice that I had made took that away from a life, the smallest of lives. There is absolutely no way around this. Believe me when I say this, as one who took a life, it is your choice. A choice that will haunt you. Why? Because just like you have a soul, so does that life. God created us in such a way that souls can be tied to one another. I only know this today because I now have a restored and incredible relationship with Him.

You see, my pain ran deep because of that abortion. Instead of dealing with it, for years I buried it thinking it would go away. This is one of those lies so many of us believe. Burying pain is not how to deal with it. My life moved on and I fell for a young man that was younger than me, but was one of those guys I didn’t think existed. He was kind. He was caring. He was attentive. He was affectionate. Eventually, I married that young man in 1991….and yes, before we married I informed him of my past. He accepted me as I was…without judgement. But that didn’t keep those waves at bay…. thoughts of my worthiness. How could I ever be considered a good person after what I had done? I had committed murder. If there truly was a God, He would despise me for what I had done. More waves…more thoughts…constantly and consistently beckoning to feeling unworthy, shameful and guilty. Oh, how I wrestled with this, night and day, day and night. I tried to justify it. I tried to explain and excuse it away. Nothing worked. After having our first child in 1992, it was like an old wound scarred over was ripped wide open.

It wasn’t until mid year 1994, together, my husband and I were at a Sunday morning service at a business convention. We agreed to go and that morning my entire life changed. The path I was on turned around. There isn’t much that I remember about that day. It is such a blur. What I do recall is that the gentleman speaking had been so steeped in drugs and alcohol that he saw no way out. It was then that he shared what changed his life. Or I should say who changed his life. Yeah, I had grown up in church, one of Lutheran denomination. Yet I had never heard what he shared. We are in a convention hall with hundreds if not thousands of people. But it was like he was speaking directly to me. I sat on the edge of my seat and with every word he spoke, it pierced my heart. His story was about how God pursued him and loved him just as he was. He explained that Jesus died for him; Jesus died for me. Oh, I heard the speaker speaking, but who I really heard was God speaking to my heart about who I was, about how He loved me…about how He created me. I heard God say that I was never meant for this. I was never meant to carry such a burden. It was why He died. He died for me. He died to set me free. He gave His live for me so that I could live. He accepted me and all that I had done because He had already paid the ultimate price for it. It was then that I accepted and confessed Jesus Christ as the Lord of my life. I professed it with my mouth. I did not just believe it, I claimed it for me. It was like He was handing me a gift, I had to do my part to accept and receive it. I repented for what I had done and I asked Him for forgiveness. What is so beautiful is that there is not one single solitary thing that He will not forgive when you were lost. Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. Oh, I went running into His arms of mercy, grace and forgiveness. What happened then was so incredible!

I hear story after story of those that suffer from post-abortion issues. Women who every year grieve a birthday. Women who continue to mourn what they did. Women who profess to be Christians. I am here to say this does not have to be this way. That day in 1994, when I heard the true Gospel message spoken from a perspective of identity in who we are created to be in Him, I left it, all of it, all that went with the abortion, at the foot of The Cross. I laid it down and never again picked it up. I left the shame. I left the guilt. I left the pain there. I never ever picked it up again. I was truly set free. The chain was gone. I had cast off the weight that so desperately wanted to keep me down. I no longer believed the lies.

Here it is ladies and gentleman, the moment you all have been waiting for…..Father God created you. He formed you. He knew of you before time existed. He desires a relationship with you. He longs for you and He pursues you without pause or delay. He gave His Son for you. His Son, Jesus Christ gave up His divinity and came to earth with The Cross before Him. He gave His life for you! He retrieved the keys to the Kingdom from the depths for you to live and walk in wholeness. Wholeness that is an abundant life filled with an inheritance you cannot even fathom apart from Him.

This is my testimony. A testimony of a life changed, radically changed. If you know me, you know how God redeemed this. Today, I am blessed beyond measure to be mom to Mariah Fei-Li Lan. Adopted from China in 2005, just a month shy of her third birthday. A life that used to live for myself. A life lived in fear. A life riddled with doubt and unworthiness. To a life that is here to release my testimony in order to bring healing to the lives of others. May I encourage you to share your testimony if you have one…all of it. Not a condensed version. This is short changing yourself and the one receiving. Not a testimony giving salvation from the standpoint or perspective of sin or eternal damnation. That is fear and judgement brothers and sisters. Our testimony is of life transforming power that demonstrates our true identity, our worth. Jesus did not die to solely save us, but to deliver us, heal us, make us whole and so much more. Recently, I heard this, “Jesus died for you to be set free from what you were never created to be.” You were not created to be a sinner. There is only One that can define you and that is who created you. The focus of salvation was not sin, but YOU!

You are worth The Blood of Jesus Christ that was spilled on Calvary. period.

February 1, 2018…Antigua Day 5, our last morning of Women’s ministry.

But first, I need to back up just a little to let you know that in my quiet time, before our trip while we were preparing, I felt a strong impression about foot washing. I decided to press in and ask the Lord what it meant and I believe I was getting an impression that it was for Antigua. I mentioned it to Scott, who agreed that it was a good idea. Then, as I was considering this, I felt as though Scott and I were to do this first with our Life Group. We only had one Life Group gathering from the time I received this revelation until our departure for Antigua. I hesitated sharing this with our group concerned that it would not be received well and we would have a small turn out. However, when I considered how I would feel just showing up at group and not being made aware of this, I reconsidered and informed them all so that they could be prepared. We did end up having one of our highest attendance….it was a powerful night that prepared Scott and I for Antigua. Because the topic of marriage had also been laid on my heart, we choose to encourage spouses to wash each others feet. Those who spouses where not in attendance I offered to wash their feet. We had asked Tim and Beth what their thoughts were about it and they said it would be good to do. They believed it would bring healing to so many. So this became our plan for that last morning of women’s ministry. Beth had basins for us, we took towels from the villa we were staying in, and the guys bought us several large bottles of water. God provided towels from the ladies villa…more than we needed! Confirmation that this was what we were supposed to do. This simple act exemplified for me…Micah 6:8, “To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”

Each team member had pretty much identified who they would serve in this fashion. I started by serving Beth to her surprise because she understood that we would be doing the attendees. My heart was to bless her because they had been so ‘bullied’ by the previous church. The rest of the morning at the church, each team member rotated in washing someone’s feet. We prayed over them when we did, read Scripture over them and sometimes shared words of wisdom or knowledge that the Lord revealed to us about them.

When we finished, we cleaned and packed up what we needed to take along in order to do this for the women at Chichita’s home, where we were headed for lunch again. After we ate, we set up a chair in Chichita’s kitchen and one by one we washed the feet of those that served us. Women kept coming. I joked that they were coming out of the woodwork. I had asked to do Chichita because of the connection her and I made earlier in the week. As I was getting ready to wash her feet, I realized that there was still someone who had not been done yet. An 18 yr old wheelchair bound darling, Chanta. So I quickly asked her mom, Aurora if I could wash Chanta’s feet. She agreed and took her to the bathroom, while I went to the kitchen to wash Chichita’s feet.

Well now, I am not going to be able to describe this accurately..

As I began, I just started praying over her, and she was receiving! I washed one foot at a time, taking my time. As I prayed, others came…the kitchen and doorway flooded with women. Heaven came down! The open heaven I saw over her home earlier in the week was right there! It was incredible. It was amazing. God poured forth and we all soaked it in.

Then I picked up my supplies and moved out to the living room by Chanta. I knelt down and removed her socks…and humbly washed her crippled little feet. I asked the Lord to use her mightily, to strengthen her to walk worthy of her calling. Oh, how awesome would it be that He would make her feet physical strong to walk! I’m continuing to seek that miracle for her life!

This is also the day that Carlos arrived at his mom’s house during lunch…..with Jerry’s approved passport in hand!! After a year of push back, everything was cleared up by Lester Bird, the former Prime Minister that the guys had met with the day prior. Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Praise be to God!

Before lunch that day, Scott and Tim did some searching for a washer for the Barbudans. They went to a store in town that Tim knows the owner, Keenan…he is a Syrian Christian (true believer and follower of the Lord Jesus Christ!). He did not have any washers in stock but asked what it was for. Then he offered to do his part and took $1000 EC off of the $1500 EC price tag! Glory be to God in the Highest!! That washer did finally arrive and Tim was able to deliver it to the center where the Barbudans were living.

Note: Again, I am changing names to protect the privacy of those involved.

We were scheduled to do some house visits that afternoon, but we were at Chichita’s much longer than anticipated. So, we only got one house visit in. We went to a local apartment where a friend of Chichita’s was staying. Her name is ‘Emma’. She is mother to ‘Wanda’ and grandmother to ‘Celeste’, an 8 year old that is suicidal; her mom, ‘Wanda’ is an addict. When we arrived, ‘Celeste’ saw us and was super excited that we were coming to visit. She is a beautiful little girl and had been at church Sunday and Wednesday. Her mom was there, and getting ready to go out. We had to go up to the second floor via an outside staircase. Beth went up first and I was going to go up last. Ana was in the middle the staircase, ascending the stairs, when she sensed something strong. She turned around, came back down and told me to start bleeding the Blood over ourselves. Then, we all began to go back up, I was last and as I got to the top step, I let out a small gasp; it was like I hit a brick wall, I couldn’t go any further. Ana turned around to see if I was alright. Just like that I was okay and could move forward. So we just prayed in the Spirit as we entered the house. A quick background, ‘Wanda’ is not married. Celeste’s dad is an older man from Canada that seems to be the supplier of Wanda’s drugs. ‘Wanda’ also has a younger son, who’s father lives with them. Apparently, he was there when we were, remaining hidden in another bedroom. We did have the opportunity to prayer over ‘Wanda’ and her children before she left. Then, we met ‘Emma’, who was bedridden due to a broken leg. She was in a cast from her foot all the way up to her hip. The way she explained her fall, she realizes it was the enemy attacking her. But God! The close quarters where she could have hit her head, she didn’t. She praises Him for her protection. But she is grieved for her daughter and grandchildren. She came from the DR to help care for them. Apparently, Wanda’s current live in partner practices with craft. That is what Ana and I were sensing. It is also what ‘Emma’ believes caused her to fall. This guy has even threatened to kill her. We stormed heaven for divine protection and covering. She was so blessed that we came and would pray for her. Home visits are a big deal in Antigua and their homes are small. Any future teams to Antigua should keep this in mind. It is also good to remember that spiritual warfare is real! Putting on the armor of God every day is a smart thing to do. We do not give it power by recognizing it. We do give it power when we ignore it or fear it. Our God is bigger. Our God is greater. Our God is already victorious! We need Him to overcome it.

That evening, we had some down time when we returned to the villa, where we met up with the guys. My husband and I had a personally decision to bless the Pikes in every way possible while we were there. They are very dear and sweet people that needed uplifting and encouragement. So, we ended up having a beautiful meal together by the water that evening for dinner.

Acts 20:35 says, “…remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ “

May we be like Aaron and Hur in Exodus 17:12…”But Moses’ hands were heavy. Then they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it; and Aaron and Hur supported his hands, one on one side and one on the other. Thus his hands were steady until the sun set.”

What does supporting one who grows weary look like? How do we encourage and lift them up? Do we build them up so they can keep going?

I would like to clarify what occurred throughout our time in Antigua was not about me. It was not about any one individual. For we are not individuals, but persons of God. He called us. Our confidence is in Him and Him alone. For when we boast, we boast in the Lord. With that in mind, I would suggest reading 1 Corinthians 1…the following is the NIV:

“Paul, called to be an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, and our brother Sosthenes, To the church of God in Corinth, to those sanctified in Christ Jesus and called to be his holy people, together with all those everywhere who call on the name of our Lord Jesus Christ—their Lord and ours:

Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. I always thank my God for you because of his grace given you in Christ Jesus. For in him you have been enriched in every way—with all kinds of speech and with all knowledge— God thus confirming our testimony about Christ among you. Therefore you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed. He will also keep you firm to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, who has called you into fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.

I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another in what you say and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly united in mind and thought. My brothers and sisters, some from Chloe’s householdhave informed me that there are quarrels among you. What I mean is this: One of you says, “I follow Paul”; another, “I follow Apollos”; another, “I follow Cephas”; still another, “I follow Christ.”

Is Christ divided? Was Paul crucified for you? Were you baptized in the name of Paul? I thank God that I did not baptize any of you except Crispus and Gaius, so no one can say that you were baptized in my name. (Yes, I also baptized the household of Stephanas; beyond that, I don’t remember if I baptized anyone else.) For Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel—not with wisdom and eloquence, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power.

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written:

Where is the wise person? Where is the teacher of the law? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. Jews demand signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength.

Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: ‘Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.'”

What has the Lord done in your life that you should be ‘going and telling of’? Share it. Boast of it. Give Him all the glory and honor that is due Him. He is a God of miracles.

May we all come to know and understanding that God is still speaking today…and we can all hear Him. Let’s discover that in a future post.

Tuesday, January 30th…Day 3

Before we even began the women’s ministry, we got to meet Max.  He invited us to come up to see their new media center in the upstairs church.  Max shared that he heard Scott’s message Sunday night along with his testimony of his miraculous healing of cancer (I will do an entire blog post on this later). He shared that he was having trouble and had been told something was wrong with his prostate. He asked for prayer….so we prayed, and we called down heaven. Then, the woman helping him to paint also asked us to pray for her. Again, we did. Even when we do not know the depth of a request, God Almighty does. In our obedience, He is he One to minister to people’s hearts and souls.

Each night, back at the villas our team plus the Pikes would share a God moment from the day. I wish I could recall each and every one of them specifically. However, I think they will be covered in my day to day synopsis. The blessings went from us to the Pikes, from the Pikes to us, from us to the people and from the people to us. It was just such a powerful week. This began our first day of early rising to get to church (Vida Nueva) no later than 9:30.  Not so early, right? Well, we were about half an hour from the church. picking people up on the way. Plus, getting 8 people ready and fed to leave all prior to that happening. It wasn’t one of those super duper rise and shine before the sun type of trips though. The plan was three mornings of women’s ministry. Scott would spend that time with Tim doing whatever came up. Their goal was to gain some ground on getting a shipping container that was stuck in customs from Convoy of Hope, which had supplies for the hurricane refugees.

That morning , we had 3 women join us. Yep, only three, but God had that covered too. They were the 3 that were supposed to be there…and the only 3. God’s orchestration. Several others were at the home preparing us a Dominican lunch. Beth introduced each of them to us and shared a little bit of their stories. Javier, the worship leader for Vida Nueva (New Life Assembly) was there too….hanging out in the background. with his beautiful and precious baby girl, Bethany. The three women in attendance were Paola (Javier’s wife), Johanna (who was at absolutely everything), and Bimpy. Bimpy is Gino’s wife. Gino had been trying to get Living Free off the ground before he relapsed and is now in Jamaica going through Teen Challenge there. This left her in Antigua as a single mom of three children. Beth felt with such a small group of ladies that the biggest need was prayer. We had been sitting in chairs that formed a circle. So we did what we always do. We put two chairs in the center of the circle and asked them to sit there so we could pray over them. First, Johanna and Bimpy. Then, Paola and Javier. As we corporately prayed over Johanna and Bimpy, I felt the prompting of the Lord to leave the circle and get my Bible. As I did, The Lord lead me to Isaiah 58:12, which reads, “And your ancient ruins shall be REBUILT, you shall raise up the foundations of many generations, you shall be called the REPAIRER of the breach, and the RESTORER of the streets to dwell in.” God told me this was His Word for Bimpy! I am believing that the Lord will rebuild, repair and restore Bimpy and Gino’s marriage and ministry. There was a word for Johanna too…the Lord our God sees her servant heart. And a servant she is! We learned this as the week went on.

Then, we prayed over Javier and Paola….as we were praying Ana was a given a vision of Javier penning new songs, hymns and that they would become leaders/pastors over the youth. Everyone then joined us for lunch at Chichita’s house (photo on the right), where we were served a delicious Dominican meal of rice, beans, spaghetti and chicken (wings) with lettuce and tomatoes. Jerry’s restaurant is attached to it. Then Javier took us on a prayer walk around the neighborhood….just a block around. Across the street from Chichita’s house is a brothel (photo on the left) and on every corner there is a bar, even some in between. Addiction to drugs and alcohol are rampant. As we were making our way back to the house, we met Mariella. Beatris reached out and invited her to our women’s ministry on Wednesday morning. God’s divine appointment. This was huge and I will share more later. When we returned to Chichita’s home, I asked Ana if we could go back in so she could translate for me. God had given me an impression that I felt the Lord wanted me to share with Chichita. We entered her home and I shared with her that the Lord had said there is an open heaven over her home, that He hears her prayers and the angels are ascending and descending over her home delivering her prayers, and that she was a beacon of His Light to the community. Then she shared that her family hardly sleeps because of the noise from the bars all night long. She has had the women of the night come to her for prayer. She broke down and told us that she thought the Lord had forgotten her and was not hearing her prayers; so this came as a tremendous blessing to her. Mind you, it is only lunch time on Tuesday! Glory to God in the highest!! This quickly became a connection between Chichita and I.

While we were at women’s ministry, Scott went with Tim to see if they what they could find out about the container from Convoy of Hope for the Barbudans. With a recent newspaper articles of supplies ending up in homes of Antiguans, there was concern that the container had been compromised (this was not the case, however). They went to the Community Center where Bible School meets on Monday nights, in hopes to find Ms. Abbott. Upon their arrival, there she stood, right in the doorway. Tim was blown away. He has searched high and low and been given the run around for so long, he could not believe she was standing right there. God’s favor. They got to chat with her a little and she even told them 2 locations of where the Barbudans were still being housed. Tim knew of one, but not the other. So, they went to the one is hopes of finding out what type of supplies they were in need of because someone had given to the Pikes a large sum for this specific need. They did discover there were 86 people with one washing machine. A washing machine costs the exact amount that was given to the Pikes.

At lunch on Tuesday, Scott and Tim met us at Chichita’s for lunch and to walk with us around the neighborhood. Jerry was there, too. Remember Jerry? He was at Vida Nueva Sunday night when the entire church prayed over him. His bandage on his leg didn’t look so good. Therefore, Cheryl (RN) and Deb (OR tech) took a look and cleaned his wound, as well as they were able to they re-dressed it. Cheryl showed concern that Jerry might also be diabetic. This became an open door for our team to help him later in the week. We then returned to the villa to rest, regroup and prep dinner for that evening. Pastor Carlos, along with his wife, Belkis, their 3 children and his mom, Chichita all came…we made them cheeseburgers and homemade steak fries. We chatted and got to know one another much better. We also got to pray over the family, since Pastor Carlos is the acting pastor at Vida Nueva. It was a great night of fellowship. And he shared what he saw in some of our team….callings that were starting to show up. As you can see, it was a wonderful day blessed by the Presence of God Himself. So, it was difficult to pick out one God moment.

Marriage defined biblically is a sacred bond between a man and a woman (Genesis 2:24 and Ephesians 5:31). A bond is something used to hold something together. The Bible talks of holding things together as yoked. Yoked can also mean hitched, attached, hold fast to or joined…together. Matthew chapter 19 is a good read for this. Many use a part of this in their own wedding vows. Verse 6 is Jesus speaking an he says, “So they (a man and his wife, from verse 5) are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” This is repeated in Mark 10:9….check it out for yourself.

Again, as one. What does that look like? And does the Bible really hold the answers to this question? I believe it does. I am going to focus on what the Lord led me to in Genesis. Specifically, following chapter 2, which I referenced in my last blog post, my focus will be on chapter 3. Genesis 3 is typically referred to as “The Fall of Man.” This can be a tough chapter. So often, the finger pointing already starts here…and it is pointed right at Eve. Let’s take a close look at this together, as I share what I see according to that which was revealed to me. First and unfortunately, Adam and Eve doubted God when the crafty serpent tempted them. Since, Eve was created to be Adam’s help meet, I believe they were there together. There is no reason to believe that they were separated. Secondly, they disobeyed and ate of the tree they were told not to eat from by God. The serpent misquoted God, who had told them not to eat of the tree of knowledge. Instead with a slight twist of the truth, the serpent questions what God said, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden?” We know that is not what God said to them. This is a warning to be alert, know the Word and His Truth; have it hidden in your heart while testing and proving what you have heard. After they ate, their eyes were opened. Therefore, they were afraid and attempted to hide because their disobedience. Spoiler alert….God knows all and He sees all; we cannot hide anything from God. We cannot go anywhere that He is not present.

From here, the blame game starts. Adam has the guts to accuse who? Indirectly, he accuses God because it was God that had given him Eve. That’s pretty bold, especially since Adam had chosen to listen to Eve rather than God and eat the fruit. Eve was deceived when Adam did not lead. Sin enters the world….blame, fear, knowledge of good and evil. Disobedience has horrendous consequences. God’s plan was for us to live forever. The Bible is a book of history…His Story. A love story of redemption from the very beginning. Redemption comes through Jesus Christ. God knew what man would do, so in His incomprehensible love for us, He made a way.

As for marriage, the consequences still exist today. In Genesis 3, God first punishes the serpent by cursing it to crawl on it’s belly eating dust. Then, God reveals Jesus as the overcomer of the serpent. From there, God declares His punishment on all women and men because of their disobedience. To Eve, He says that her pain in childbirth will be increased and she will have the desire to usurp her husband’s leadership. To Adam, “because you listened to the voice of your wife,” the ground in which he is to work will be cursed making his labor difficult. Prior to the Fall, it was a blessing to work the ground (Genesis 2:15). Here is the point that the Lord brought me to…I will struggle with the desire to usurp my husband’s leadership. WOW….and ouch! God created man first, then woman was created from man to be his help meet, not the reverse.

So, what does marriage look like to me? I want my marriage to be God honoring. As a believer and follower of the Lord Jesus Christ, I want my marriage to be an example that brings honor to God. Therefore, I live by the Word and The Spirit. See 1 Timothy 2, Ecclesiastes 4, Song of Solomon, Ephesians 5, and 1 Corinthians 7, just to name a few. For us, Scott and I, this means we are one. We make major life changing decisions together after seeking the Lord in prayer. We honor, love and respect one another. We realize that we are an example to our children what a godly marriage looks like. We seek forgiveness. We accept one another as we are; not trying to change the other, knowing that this is the work of God in each of our lives. This requires grace, self-control, patience, and trust. When we do not agree about something, I need to trust Scott and his judgement to lead me and our family well. I am not the head of our household, period. This can be quite challenging to some of us women. When we first got married (pre-Christ), it was my way or the highway. I had the mindset that I was right, all the time. Ugh, so much pride! I had an older woman ask me if I would rather be right all the time or happier all the time. I choose happy. It took some time to change my mindset. This does not mean I do not or cannot question Scott on things. Remember, we are one….that means my voice counts for something. I’m blessed that he wants my input and values it. Just as a man should not rule with an iron fist so to speak, a woman should not step up and into his leadership position. For me, personally, I know I am not to lead since I am of Eve with a tendency to be more easily deceived. May I continually lift up my husband in prayer to be the man of God that he was created to be and then trust God, period.

Acts 1:8 says “but you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be My witnesses both in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and even to the remotest part of the earth.” I see my dear husband as my Jerusalem. If I am not bearing witness to him, as transformed by God’s work in me, then I do not think I should be going any further. God is preeminent in my life.  Then my husband becomes my priority. Then I can move beyond my Jerusalem.

Disclaimer: Abuse is not godly! I am not claiming that anyone should submit to abuse.

There is something from my last post that I would like to clarify before continuing on the topic of marriage. My struggling of wanting to do and be something of more significance. In the process of the Lord filing off the rough edges, I realized that what I was doing and who I was being, a wife and a mom, was of great significance. It has been decades since I have thought it was ‘a less than’ role. The voice of the world was saying it was less than, and for a time, not consistently, I was listening. Today, I believe differently….very differently. To all you stay-at-home moms, hang in there. You are pouring into very moldable lives. The lives the Lord has given to you. Gifts given to you by The Father, the giver of all good gifts. A family unit is your greatest sphere of influence; your impact is valuable. Deep within me, I always knew this, especially when I held those newborns. That is what caused us to sacrifice some things in order for me to be at home. Then those days get rough and long. The enemy starts whispering there is more than this. Maybe you start to believe him, like I did from time to time. But God! He kept hemming me in. I am eternally grateful because those long rough days turned into years that were like a vapor in the wind…gone so quickly. Today, I treasure and cherish the memories made with my toddlers, preschoolers, teens and now adults. Their lives are their own and soon we will be empty nesters. Another season of life…a married couple learning to function just the two of us. Actually, the three of us because our marriage is a three strand cord with the Lord our God. But that was our core all along. Without each other, we would have never had these precious gifts from above.

So what about marriage? Where and how does marriage fit into the order of things? My husband, Scott and I base everything in life on The Word of God. As believers in the Lord Jesus Christ, this is fundamental in our beliefs. Shortly after we gave our lives to Christ, I recall someone saying that The Bible had all the answers to life’s questions and I chuckled, ‘yeah, right.’ Well, again, in my refining process, I do believe that to be true today. Therefore, my answers to the above questions will be based on The Bible, the inerrant Word of God. Inerrant because God Himself breathed the Word into man to write. It is a love story. The greatest love story of all times. Even a love story with super heroes. Heroes with supernatural powers. Just dig in and find out for yourself.

In my previous post, I mentioned that the Lord laid the word marriage on my heart. As I pressed in, He led me back in The Word (Bible) to the Book of Genesis, specifically chapters 2 & 3. Here is what I gained from my time in the Word with my Lord. Genesis is the first Book of the Bible. Here is where creation is described, where the first marriage was established. I found this very significant. Marriage was created before The Church. Personally, I see that as a very important fact, laying out God’s order. God is a god of order and not chaos. Chaos does not bring peace. God the Son, Jesus Christ is referred to as the Prince of Peace. He is the Person of Peace. Therefore, God’s order is vital to our peace. I believe marriage is the first representation of The Church. In the New Testament, Christ is also referred to as the Bridegroom to The Church. In turn, The Church is often called The Bride. I would like to point out that we should always look to the whole of God’s Word to gain a greater understanding of Him. As for me and my house, our marriage comes before the church.

All of chapter 2 is described as preceding the Fall of man when the enemy came and deceived Eve causing sin to enter the world. Before man was even created, God worked and rested. Having been created in His image, we will then work and rest. Work prior to The Fall was a blessing and not a curse. It was a means to provide and care for that which was given to man. Just another interesting fact to cling to in this do, do, do and go, go, go culture in which we live. In Genesis 2:7, it states “then the Lord God formed man of the dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature.” There is no two ways around this, man was created first, before the woman. God named man. Then in verse 18, the Lord God said, “it is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a help meet.” God went on to create all the living creatures out of the ground, like man was created and gave man the privilege of naming them. However, none of those creatures were found to be a right helper to man. Genesis then reveals this to us in verses 21-25…

“And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; 

And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. 

And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”

The woman was created differently than any other creature, including man. Yet she was named by man, who also named every other creature. She was created from man…from his bone and from his flesh. This makes her special….unique in all of creation. She fit the bill so to speak as ‘an help meet.’ This phrase is used in the King James Version of the Bible. When you look carefully at these words in the Hebrew, the meaning is a divine and suitable helper for man. How do I perceive this role? For me, it is to be my husband’s number one cheerleader, an encourager and prayer warrior. If I am just too busy with life and serving others, as well as myself and my interests and not his or that he takes a back seat, I am not in God’s aligned order. Thus chaos will enter disrupting peace and creating a vicious cycle that I believe will have dire consequences. To some extent, we have experienced this firsthand. This life is not my own. I chose to be married…I said, “yes” and then I said, “I do.” We are one, as Genesis 2:24 states. Again, the three stranded cord. I see it as a multiplication problem…1 X 1 X 1 = 1. Scott times Kim times God is one. A strong one at that; one the enemy cannot destroy.

1 + 1 does not equal 1. It’s simple math.

To be continued…..with my thoughts on Chapter 3 of Genesis

It was January 1, 2018 and I was venturing into my very first 21 day fast. For me, this was a very personal decision with some very personal applications. I wanted to be emptied of the ‘me’…the selfishness, the ‘flesh,’ and filled with more of the Spirit of the Lord. My desire is to walk in all that God has created me to be without hindrance. In other words, I was intentionally seeking more of the Lord in my life. And what a better time to do that the beginning of a new year.

This sacrifice of food isn’t just a diet plan; it’s a time to draw closer and focus on my God!

Matthew 22:37-38…”you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and foremost commandment.” Loving the Lord means seeking Him with ALL that I am and ALL that I have.

To be as transparent as possible, during this time of fasting, I was reminded of a very real struggle I had; one that would continue to rise up on occasion, over and over. Without elaborating too much on the background, I want to get to the point. There are many reasons for why I felt the way I have over the years. But the point is this, with a four year Bachelor of Science degree, my husband and I had made the choice for me to be a stay-at-home mom. Right off I want to say this…..This has been an incredible blessing and looking back, I would not want to change a thing. Since our oldest son was 1 & a half years old, I haven’t worked outside of the home, except for a brief season (less than 3 months, about 8 years ago) when I helped with the fall tours at a local orchard. As much of a blessing as staying at home was, there were numerous times that I would cry out to God, “Is this it? Is this all there is for me? All You want me to do?” I wanted more. I wanted to do more. I wanted to be more. Something that was more significant. Every time this struggle arose within me, it became less and less pointed. God was filing off the rough edges. I was being refined. I was continually learning to lay down the things I thought I wanted. I was continually being molded into who God created me to be. (Again, this is my personal story….my journey.) I was learning that this life is not about me. However, that does not mean I live this life in misery. I have learned that there is one thing necessary in this life…”but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her” (Luke 10:42). Jesus is speaking of the difference between Martha and Mary. We live in a Martha world of do, do, do…and I very much tend to be a do-er. But the Lord wants me to be with Him, first and foremost; like Mary to just sit at His feet, praising Him, worshipping Him, listening to Him and being led by Him alone. I need to be still and quiet all the other voices in order to hear Him, as His deep calls to my deep (Psalm 42:7).

Galatians 2:20…”I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.”

John 15:13…” Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.”

Acts 20:24…”But I do not consider my life of any account as dear to myself, so that I may finish the course and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify solemnly of the gospel of the grace of God.”

I share all this to help shed light on what the Lord spoke to me in January of this year about marriage. We got married to be together. In the beginning of our marriage, several times, we were drawn to do things together. We both laid down things we liked to do. We were no longer an individual. We had been united together, as one. Occasionally throughout our marriage, we would be reminded of this. One such time was in July 2013 on our first missions trip. It was in Costa Rica, on our free day, which was more like a team building day….again, we had been reminded that we were one.

Over the years, Scott and I have witnessed so many marriages struggling and hurting, not only in the world, but in The Church, as well. As I was spending more time with the Lord during my fast, I was asking for a word of wisdom and/or a word of knowledge for our upcoming trip to Antigua. Marriage kept coming to mind. However, I was not sure if it was meant for Antigua or not. Then the Lord took me all the way back….back to Genesis.

TO BE CONTINUED……

While fasting prior to our trip the Lord led me to the idea of foot washing. I felt it was for the trip, but the Lord also led Scott and I to bless our Life Group with it. When we offered it, we strongly suggested husbands wash their wives feet and vice versa. Marriages are struggling. Struggling within our church, within The Church, and in the world at large. Marriages are under attack. For The Church to do more than just survive, marriages and families need to be repaired and rebuilt…restored! I really want to share more on this since the Lord ‘spoke’ to me about marriage. But I will have to do that in my next post.

Monday, Jan.29th, a slow start, which was a blessing. Nothing planned for the morning. Therefore, we had the privilege to take the team and the Pikes out to breakfast near the villas. The Pikes got to talk with the team as a whole to explain much of the church dynamics and the community, as well as the background of some of those we would be working alongside. We heard a few stories of the Pikes time in Vanuatu, where they first went into the missions field. Then we went grocery shopping for breakfasts of the week and Tuesdays night dinner when we would be hosting Pastor Carlos and his family. Groceries were a bit expensive because everything is imported…even fresh fruit! Crazy, right? It was also important to purchase lots of bottled water for the week to stay hydrated. These islands are very different when you come inland more; away from the coast and the resorts.

The afternoon was spent with the Pikes at our villa having an orientation for the rest of the week. Laying out the ministry opportunities, meal times, etc. But of course, nothing is ever in concrete. The need to be flexible was key. Things can change in a moments notice. We did not have every detail nailed down because we were all feeling the need to be lead by the Spirit in all things. That evening was the Bible Institute at the community center….another packed out night with every registered student in attendance plus two newbies! More of God’s favor. Almost every team member got to share, even if it stretched them a bit. We shared where we served in ministry and how we got there. Then, we opened it up to Q&A. Little did we know that they had just recently done a study on marriage and some were struggling some with it. Guess what the Lord had given me before we left? I share a bit of this at the beginning of this blog post… the topic of marriage! Remember the foot washing idea that we did with our Life Group prior to this trip. What the Lord had given me was powerful stuff….and they received it! I think that is what I so deeply loved about them. They were receiving it all…no resistance, no hindrance. More of God’s favor! We went way passed the class’s usual end time and connections were made quickly with the people. It was just the spark to set the week ablaze.

Beatris sharing at Bible Institute

Cheryl sharing

Beatris and Cheryl sharing at Bible Institute on Monday evening.