It was January 1, 2018 and I was venturing into my very first 21 day fast. For me, this was a very personal decision with some very personal applications. I wanted to be emptied of the ‘me’…the selfishness, the ‘flesh,’ and filled with more of the Spirit of the Lord. My desire is to walk in all that God has created me to be without hindrance. In other words, I was intentionally seeking more of the Lord in my life. And what a better time to do that the beginning of a new year.
This sacrifice of food isn’t just a diet plan; it’s a time to draw closer and focus on my God!
Matthew 22:37-38…”you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and foremost commandment.” Loving the Lord means seeking Him with ALL that I am and ALL that I have.
To be as transparent as possible, during this time of fasting, I was reminded of a very real struggle I had; one that would continue to rise up on occasion, over and over. Without elaborating too much on the background, I want to get to the point. There are many reasons for why I felt the way I have over the years. But the point is this, with a four year Bachelor of Science degree, my husband and I had made the choice for me to be a stay-at-home mom. Right off I want to say this…..This has been an incredible blessing and looking back, I would not want to change a thing. Since our oldest son was 1 & a half years old, I haven’t worked outside of the home, except for a brief season (less than 3 months, about 8 years ago) when I helped with the fall tours at a local orchard. As much of a blessing as staying at home was, there were numerous times that I would cry out to God, “Is this it? Is this all there is for me? All You want me to do?” I wanted more. I wanted to do more. I wanted to be more. Something that was more significant. Every time this struggle arose within me, it became less and less pointed. God was filing off the rough edges. I was being refined. I was continually learning to lay down the things I thought I wanted. I was continually being molded into who God created me to be. (Again, this is my personal story….my journey.) I was learning that this life is not about me. However, that does not mean I live this life in misery. I have learned that there is one thing necessary in this life…”but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her” (Luke 10:42). Jesus is speaking of the difference between Martha and Mary. We live in a Martha world of do, do, do…and I very much tend to be a do-er. But the Lord wants me to be with Him, first and foremost; like Mary to just sit at His feet, praising Him, worshipping Him, listening to Him and being led by Him alone. I need to be still and quiet all the other voices in order to hear Him, as His deep calls to my deep (Psalm 42:7).
Galatians 2:20…”I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.”
John 15:13…” Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.”
Acts 20:24…”But I do not consider my life of any account as dear to myself, so that I may finish the course and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify solemnly of the gospel of the grace of God.”
I share all this to help shed light on what the Lord spoke to me in January of this year about marriage. We got married to be together. In the beginning of our marriage, several times, we were drawn to do things together. We both laid down things we liked to do. We were no longer an individual. We had been united together, as one. Occasionally throughout our marriage, we would be reminded of this. One such time was in July 2013 on our first missions trip. It was in Costa Rica, on our free day, which was more like a team building day….again, we had been reminded that we were one.
Over the years, Scott and I have witnessed so many marriages struggling and hurting, not only in the world, but in The Church, as well. As I was spending more time with the Lord during my fast, I was asking for a word of wisdom and/or a word of knowledge for our upcoming trip to Antigua. Marriage kept coming to mind. However, I was not sure if it was meant for Antigua or not. Then the Lord took me all the way back….back to Genesis.
TO BE CONTINUED……
Anchored 